The Super Nifty Cool Page of DOOM

hey everyone, i recieved my first pay today. you'd think i would be happy, but i am far from. my truck is no longer functional. that's what i get for buying a piece of shit ford. my oil pan gasket has a rip in it. you would think all i would have to do is buy a new one which would cost about 20 bucks but there is a problem. it is located under the engine. the mechanic has to have my engine jacked up so they can access it without my engine falling out. the grand total will probably be at least 500 dollars. there goes my first pay check along with the next three. oh, but the fun didn't stop there today. the well on the other nursery stopped working. this means that they have to rip it out of the ground and put in a new one, along with buying all new parts for it. my dad was thrilled to find out this news. and on top of that, he decided to not leave for his trip to the mountains. he'll be home alone with my mom all week and you know how well they get along. i have been falling apart the past week. old injuries are flailing up and i seem to have gotten my insomnia back. yay. i don't eat anymore and i have lost the interest to do anything constructive. i wake up in the morning and wish that i didn't. i am starting to slip back into depression, again. oh, and my parents finally found the dent that i put on the hood of MY truck. they went ballistic. and i can't even talk to my brother because i don't want to load any of my problems onto his pile. he is doing so bad with money that he had to sell his brand new truck. a nissan stick with leather seats. he was very upset about this. i asked him for advice right before he told me this and he said, "you know what bro, life sucks and it only gets worse. especially if you life in this house." i don't know what to do. if i don't die soon due to lack of food, sleep, and sanity, i will eventually end up killing myself. well, thats about it. i'm going away for a week to scout camp. i get back friday night. see ya. oh, and i got new glasses that cost about 200 dollars so my dad was real happy about that on the count i broke the old pair and then my car one right after the other. i'll talk to you later, maybe. i love you becky. bye.

hey everyone! i went and hid under that rock that i was under a few months ago, but i think i'm back for good this time (i hope). i miss Becky. she is away at govenor's school and i'm all alone in south Jersey. I might be getting a job very soon. I find out Friday and if things go well, John is goonna have greens rolling in again. When Becky comes back I am treating her to a fancy dinner for two along with a romantic stroll through the park.
Hey John, you need to find a car man so you can have something to call your own. And we need to get together so we can hang out. one more thing, get another job!
Zach, the pool is open my friend and there is a rubber tube with your name on it man. we need to play more SSBM and rot our brains out in front of the TV. And I want my guide to FFT back! i want to beat it!
Alman102... we need to catch up hommie. play a little x-box and stuff. same offer if you wanna come over and swim too! congrats on the new job!
Harry, i don't know what happened to you, but i haven't heard from you in a long time. I'll have to have a party one day and you and me and Zach will have to have some crazy multiplayer action happening.
Joe, we have to go swimming some more, next time Dale needs to come.
Emily, how you doin? we need to have a movie night or something and hang out. haven't had the chance lately.
And the most important of all, Becky. if you read this at the college, cool. if not, read it when you get back! i love you and miss you a lot. i will be employed soon and i'm saving up for a cell phone! then you can call me wherever i'm at. i'm also working on a new cd player for my truck and some new tires too. i can't wait for you to come back. i love you! have fun and stay safe!

in conclusion, i would like to end by saying, "See my Movie" -Spiderman
P.S. the movie is AWESOME!

Quote!!!
to alcohol: the cause of and solution to all of life's problems
-Homer J. Simpson

can someone help me? i have a problem. i hate my life. i have a disfunctional family. i can't get sleep anymore. the counselor i am seeing now doesn't help anymore. i have lost the will to live. i want to die. i have wanted to die ever since i got into high school. before then, i didn't understand my life enough to want to die. the only thing that keeps me alive is my girlfriend. i love her. but now my life is starting to get worse because a part of me still wants to die. i'm being pulled in two directions. its a constant battle inside my head with myself. i have developed muscle spasms and get flash migranes. the little sleep i do get only makes me long for death even more because i have dreams that are so real, i still feel the pain i experienced in them when i wake up. i am in constant pain internally and externally. i don't want to leave my girlfriend because she has brought me so much happiness, but at the same time i don't want to hurt her with my fragile emotion patterns. i might flip one day and do something i will regret. its like the safest option keeps on pointing towards death each time, for myself and others. please help because i am tired of suffering. each day is another day in hell.

woah! i have never seen this type of error. check it out! i mean, i've heard of 404 error and time out error, but never before have i seen this: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it got rid of it!!!!! oh well, forget everything that i typed and go back to your monkey wrestling.

Quote of the day!

"What color am i coloring with? oh, seven." -Becky

life sux
i don't know what its like having a family. i don't have one. if someone could leave me a definition of what a family is and what it's like having one, that would be great. i want to know what everyone else gets to feel. i want to know what that joy is like.

i have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to be happy in my life. i know my friends and my girlfriend do make me happy, but i can never hold onto that happiness for more than a few hours. as long as i reside in this hell i call home, i will never be trully happy. sometimes i wish it was all a dream and praying that in a few hours i'll be waking up and the nightmare will be over. but i haven't woken up yet. the nightmare still haunts me. i cannot escape. there is no hope left to hold onto. i am forced to stay in a never-ending paradox of pain and torment. i will never again experience the pleasures of life that so many get to feel each day. i am trapped inside this world. i can no longer escape into my dream world in my head anymore because it too has been tainted with the pressure of this world.

i no longer sleep, i no longer eat. i am not alive, nor am i dead. i cannot be dead for i still breathe and i cannot be alive for i have no soul. all i can do is have my body and mind feel constant pain until it too dies and meets up with my soul.

i have recently reached a new level in stress. the muscle spasms were the first thing i recieved. then uncontrollable shaking. now i have the worst level of all: i now experience flash migranes that come at any time. i get terrible head pains as if someone is beating me on the side of the head with a stick, then i get horrible stomach pains that feel like someone is smashing a boulder through my abdomen. and while all of this happens i have visions of past nightmares playing in the back of my mind. is it annoying? does it hurt? would i rather be dead? yes

feel free to comment, but if you make it sound too much like my counselor from colt connection that isn't helping me at all, then i will just ignore it.

weekend
saturday: ok, except for pain
sunday: sucked beyond belief. worst day i've had in a while
filled with a lot more pain than the day before and had many flash headaches... like the one i have right now